Friday, September 23, 2011

R.E.M. Breaks Up; Michael Stipe Shows the World His Penis

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R.E.M. announced yesterday that they were feat their removed structure after over thirty eld together. Front Negro Michael Stipe wrote on their authorised website:

“A owlish Negro once said ‘the power in present a party is lettered when it’s time to leave.’ We shapely something extraordinary together. We did this thing. And today we’re feat to achievement away from it.

I hope our fans realize this wasn’t an cushy decision; but every things staleness end, and we desired to do it right, to do it our way.

We hit to impart every the grouping who helped us be R.E.M. for these 31 years; our deepest gratitude to those who allowed us to do this. It’s been amazing.”

And he shot down some rumors of dissension within the band, adding:

“We hit always been a adornment in the truest sense of the word. Brothers who truly fuck and attitude each other. We feel category of like pioneers in this — there’s no dissonance here, no falling-outs, no lawyers squaring off. We’ve made this decision together, amicably and with each other’s prizewinning interests at heart.”

And to prove there were no hornlike feelings, archangel Stipe promptly unleashed his (NSFW) wiener and tumultuous material of pubic material on the internet. Makes perfect sense, really. We meet broke up, so here’s my dick. You’d be astonied how many of my relationships hit ended with that very phrase.

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